What's In Your . . .

-from October 18, 2011

Wallet?

No. This is not the Capitol One commercial.


What's in your

... heart?

HOW he gets to the answer is the amazing part.

Here I am.

New house.

New city.

New group of gals.

Same me.

But I felt so . . .

   different.

As if I was holding up a mirror to each one and trying to find myself in the reflection.

And some things were not matching up.

Ideals.

Priorities.

Such difference.

And yet such similarities.

For we are all created in His image, to bear His reflection and likeness. When I hold up the mirror and don't like what I see, I'm not holding up the proper mirror.

This is what I felt tonight as I met a group of new women, I find myself holding up a mirror of myself to each of them and comparing myself to them. . . feeling like I am not measuring up in whatever aspect of them seems so different or different ideals. Then He assures me that I have held up the wrong mirror . . .  the one I should be holding up is the mirror that shows that I was made in His image . . . I am to reflect him, not them. And obviously, sometimes it may look quite different. Proverbs 27:19 says As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart reveals the man.

And it goes beyond holding up the wrong mirror. It reaches to the HOW of life.

For the past few years, I have been intrigued and moved by people's life stories. The trials people have walked through and more importantly, HOW they did it. How they got to the other side of the obstacle in the road.

Catherine Marshall writes about her life and how God used it all - the taking of her first husband, the death of a grandchild, new marriage. HOW He used it all. 

Carol Kent writes in her book Between a Rock and a Grace Place, she writes about her christian son who acted in fear and anger, killing his stepchildren's father because he took things into his own hands, and who is now incarcerated for life. Carol shares honestly HOW she gets through each day.

And the latest interest is Gracia Burnham. She and her husband were missionaries in the Philippines and were kidnapped at gunpoint while on a 24 hour vacation . . . she writes about her year as a hostage in the jungles of the Philippines. It was there that God really had her take a look at what was in her heart. All the things she thought she believed and all the daily opportunities to practice what she believed. I wish I could remember the quote from her book In The Presence of My Enemies, but I didn't write it down so you'll just have to read it.

There have been many moments in my life. The big one at the moment - a different trial. Our youngest son will most like need outpatient surgery in early 2012.

I know God can heal Him and I know that He is willing, but I have this settled impression that that's not the issue (the willingness or the ability). The issue, it seems, is whether or not I trust him. Not do I trust the doctors, but do I trust Him? If our son is not miraculously healed by then, do I trust His heavenly Father to bring our son through. Or do I live in fear . . . that something will happen to my precious youngest son . . .

The verse of the day on my note card as we were going to another appointment spoke so deeply to my spirit to confirm this . . . I was praying and asking the Lord what He had to say about all this. And the verse...

Duet. 8:2 ...to humble you and test you to see what's in your heart

Another lesson in "praying through" - not wanting out of a situation, but instead wanting what more of Him, what He is trying to reveal about Himself or yourself. 

Lord, I act like an independent cowboy, but I want to be dependent on You.

The urge to run, the restlessness

The heart of stone I sometimes get

The things I’ve done for foolish pride

The me that’s never satisfied

The face that’s in the mirror

when I don’t like what I see

I guess that’s just the cowboy in me -Tim McGraw


Do you trust me? He asks.